Babysitting Duty
by Not.Quite.Sane.In.The.Membrane
Summary: There's been some... ah... problems, with Loki's detainment in Asgard. Things aren't going so well, so, as usual, the Avengers get called in to deal with it.
1. Chapter 1: Assignment

Nick Fury was not happy.

He stormed through the bridge of the helicarrier, SHIELD agents backing down and averting their eyes as he sped-walked down the center aisle to the conference table. All the member of the Avengers had already assembled around the table. Stark and Banner were talking about some science-y thing that no one else could understand. It must have been pretty exciting, because they were both smiling like idiots. Agents Barton and Romanov were having a conversation on the events of their mission to Budapest several years ago, and they seemed to arguing about what had truly happened. Thor and Rogers were discussing different battle techniques. They all ceased their conversations when Fury stepped up onto the platform.

"Alright, Avengers. We have a situation."

"We'd gathered that, thank you, director, care to explain?" Tony said, sounding sarcastic, as usual. Fury ignored him and went on.

"Thor brought back word that Loki's incarceration on Asgard isn't going so well."

"Not going well how?" Steve asked with a concerned look on his face.

"He keeps escaping." Thor spoke up for the first time. "The Allfather cannot contain Loki's magic while he is still on Asgard. The source of all magic is deep underneath the palace, and when he is so near the source, it is impossible for him to be cut off from it. He keeps charming his way out."

"Wait. You said that Odin can't block off Loki's powers when he's in Asgard, right? What about when he's back on earth? Would Odin be able to stop him then?" Bruce interjected.

"Precisely, Dr. Banner. That's why Loki is being transported back to earth tomorrow. You six are being assigned babysitting duty. Have fun." And with that, Fury turned his back and walked away, ignoring the loud protests of the Avengers behind him.

"Why the _hell_ did we get stuck with babysitting duty? This is so unfair! What did we ever do?" Tony ranted on the way back to the Avengers Tower, formerly known as Stark Tower.

"Well, I don't know about the rest of us but you, Stark, have done plenty to piss Fury off." Natasha replied scathingly. She was just as unhappy about their new assignment as the rest of them, but she wasn't complaining about it.

"Fair enough." Tony replied.

After that, everyone in the back of the limo was silent. Everyone was thinking about how much this was going to suck. Thor had already explained all about Odin would be able to block Loki's powers. He would lose all the magical illusionary stuff that he was using when he was trying to take over the world, but he was still a god, so he would retain all the super godly strength and stuff that Thor had, but to a lesser extent.

All in all, looking after Loki was going to be a bitch.

SHIELD was currently installing the latest high-tech security equipment all throughout the tower, which Tony was inevitably going to destroy and replace with his own stuff, which would most likely be much more effective. This would probably all be superfluous though, because Odin was also helping out by putting up magic barriers around the tower that wouldn't let Loki exit the building without the knowledge and consent of one of the Avengers.

The only thing left to do was wait for the guest of honor to arrive.


	2. Chapter 2: Loki Proofing

**A/N: Didn't put one of these in the first chapter because I forgot... Any way, this is the first story I've ever posted on here, so reviews and constructive criticism are welcome. Two questions: does the whole thing with Loki's magic make sense? Is anybody OOC? I'm trying my best to update every day, but don't hold me to it. Any way, here's chapter 2!**

_Updated: 6/2/12_

Chapter 2

Even though they were certain that their new guest wouldn't be able to get out once he arrived, the Avengers still had a lot to do. The process of "Loki proofing" the house, much like one would when a small child came to visit, only much more extensive, was taking forever. All of everyone's favorite stuff was being moved to a secure lock-up aboard the helicarrier so it wouldn't be destroyed. Tony and Bruce were upping the security to get into their respective labs. (You now needed voice recognition, a retina scan, and a 12-digit passcode to gain entry to either one of them.) They didn't want Loki getting in somehow and screwing up their latest work.

The house was down to a bare minimum of personal belongings, everyone kept everything important in their own respective rooms (which also had the 12-digit passcodes), and the general living areas of the tower were bare. They were down to just furniture everywhere.

And what Director Fury had so kindly forgotten to mention was that for the duration of Loki's stay, the Avengers were under house arrest.

Joy.

It wasn't really that big of a deal for most of the team, because they didn't really have any place else to be. Clint and Natasha had orders; the only other place Bruce could go was back to India; and Steve and Thor didn't know enough about the outside world to be let out on their own. But Tony, he had a company to run, and a girlfriend that wouldn't be very happy about the situation. And said girlfriend had yet to be informed of the situation.

When Tony finally called her, it went a little like this:

"What do you want, Tony, I'm busy! While you're off with all you superhero stuff, I'm stuck here, running the company, and—"

"Hello to you to, Pepper. How are things?"

Tony heard her take a deep breath on the other end of the line. "Things are just fine, Tony, but—"

"Fantastic! Hey, Pep, I've got some bad news. Apparently, the godly folk up on Asgard can't keep Loki locked up for more than five minutes at a time, so the 'Allfather' or whatever goldilocks keeps calling him, has decided to just send him down here for us to deal with. But that's not even the best part. Instead of putting him in a cell somewhere that he'll never see the light of day again, Fury's decided to dump him with us."

"When you say 'with us', what do you mean, exactly?"

"I mean with us, in the place that we all live. In the tower. And we're not allowed to leave. At all."

"_What?_ He can't do that!"

"Well, apparently, he can, and he has."

"Well, you have fun taking care of that. If you're going got be stuck babysitting for the foreseeable future, I'm going to be the one running SI."

"You remember I love you, right?"

"Yes, Tony, and I love you too, but I already have so much to do! I have to reorganize the stocks, and get the plans for the new arc reactors approved, and whole ton of other things! I'll call you back later, okay, Hun?"

"Okay, Pep. Bye."

Tony hung up the phone and sighed, leaning back into the couch. Bruce gave him a look of sympathy; he knew what it was like to be in difficult situation with someone you loved. He just hoped Tony's situation turned out better than his had.

"Pepper not taking it so well?" Steve asked, taking a seat across form Tony on the other couch.

"Nope. It's not my fault we're all stuck in this, but she's mad at me anyway," Tony sighed again and rubbed his eyes.

"That stinks, man. Anything we can do to help?"

"Not unless you can think of a way to keep this whole damn mess from happening, Capsicle"

Thor came in holding a family size box of chocolate fudge flavored Poptarts with his mouth completely full. It was rather nauseating when he opened his mouth to speak and gooey crumbs flew all over the floor.

"Loki_ musd _come to Mi-gawd, fwiend Stawk, fow if he dud noud, he will mosd certain-y ecape again an weak mow havoh dan wast dime."

("Loki _must _come to Midgard, friend Stark, for if he does not, he will most certainly escape again and wreak more havoc than last time.")

"I'd rather have more havoc than be on house arrest," Tony grumbled. "Well, I'm off to go work on the suit. Last battle the flight stabilizers took some damage. Gotta go fix 'em before our guest arrives."

Loki glared with disdain at the guards that were standing outside his cell. He'd just been thrown back into the cell for the third time that day, and he was getting sick of it. When would they realize that they would never be able to hold him? Their petty containment cell was no match for his might. Every time they threw him in, he just broke back out again. The only reason they kept getting him back was that there were so god damn many of them. They were going to pay. Every single one of them.

Loki pondered his next escape method and different ways to seek his revenge. He'd just imagined a particularly joyous way to make the scarlet-haired agent woman pay when the door at the far end of the room opened.

The Allfather entered the chamber where Loki was being contained. He walked slowly to the small caged-off area where his adoptive son currently was.

"What words would you have with me, _Father_?" Loki sneered.

"I am only here to inform you of the changes in your containment, Loki. You are to be transported to Midgard where your magic will no longer be of any use. You will be as powerful as a mortal. You are being taken there now. Come." Loki laughed.

"You think the mortals can contain me? I'd like to them try! Let them! This shall be fun."

And with that, Odin turned his back while the guards brought Loki to the newly repaired rainbow bridge and sent him down to the other world. He was their problem now.


	3. Chapter 3: Arrival

**A/N: I'm sooo sorry this took so long to get up. I had terrible writer's block, which is crazy for this early in a story, I know, but I really just didn't know what to do next with it. So I think this chapter kind of sucks. I'd like to now what you guys think, you know, in a review... Please?**

Chapter 3:

It'd been three hours.

They'd all been sitting there, staring at each other without doing anything for _three freaking hours._ Nobody had moved; nobody had spoken. All six members of the Avengers had their eyes trained on the silently smirking god of mischief that had been dumped on their doorstep by a stoic-faced Director Nick Fury, who then got the heck out of there as fast as he possibly could. He'd check up on them later. They'd be alright.

Said Avengers were all dressed in their finest battle garb, completely suited up, ready for whatever Loki might try to pull. They were divided and sitting three each on the two large couches in the tower's living room and watching Loki, who had perched himself ever so delicately on the large armchair that Natasha generally claimed as hers. He was devoid of his usual extravagant armor, instead wearing what appeared to be a pair of plain black jeans and a green shirt.

Loki had done nothing so far, but sitting still for three hours with absolutely nothing to do was getting on Tony's nerves. He flipped up the visor on his helmet, crossed his metal covered arms, and said to the general population of the room, "Well, now what? Were we given any instructions at all? What exactly does babysitting an inter-dimensional super baddie entail?"

"I would appreciate it, Stark, if you would not speak of me as if I was not present," Loki said smoothly.

"And I would appreciate it, Reindeer Games, if I didn't have to have _another_ super destructive demigod staying in my brand new tower, not to mention that this one has made conscious efforts to kill us all before. Am I the only one that thinks this is a really, _really_ bad idea? Anyone?" He looked around at his teammates who all said some version of "yes" or "yup" or "uh-huh", generally agreeing with him in some way, shape, or form.

"Fantastic! Now that it's established that no one wants you here, who wants dinner? I'm starving." Tony stood and walked to the kitchen next door.

"I could eat." Steve shrugged and stood up, following Tony.

The rest of the team followed them, muttering about different food choices they had. Clint glanced back over his shoulder to glare at Loki one more time. He still hadn't gotten over the whole mind control thing. Loki simply smiled at him in return.

"Brother! Would you care to join us?" Thor's jovial voice boomed from the kitchen.

"No, Thor. I think I will retire for the evening, if you don't mind. Which room is mine?" Loki responded smoothly, still sounding so damn polite, as always.

"The last room on the right of the hallway has been prepared for you, Mr. Laufeyson." JARVIS spoke up for the first time since Loki had arrived. Said trickster jumped so violently that you would've thought somebody had poked him with an electrified probe.

Tony was just coming back into the living room as this occurred. He barked out a short laugh when he saw Loki's reaction to his beloved artificial intelligence speaking aloud. "That's just JARVIS. He's basically the all-seeing eye of this place, and he's going to be focusing his attention on you. Aren't you, JARVIS?"

"Of course, sir," was the smooth, British-accented reply.

Loki merely glanced at the ceiling, still not entirely convinced that Tony was telling the truth. From where he came from, mysterious voices that had no discernable source were usually some sort of demon or spirit, and it was almost never something nice. Sighing, he walked down the hallway to the room that the voice had indicated was his. When he opened the door, he was instantly appalled. The entire place was decked out floor- to-ceiling in the gaudy red and gold colors of the Iron Man suit. The pillow cases even had a design of the blasted suit's helmet on it! That was immediately ripped off and thrown into the deepest recesses of the rather large closet that was attached to the room. As for the rest of the place, that would be dealt with later. For now, he just sat cross-legged, Indian style, on the floor in the center of the room and closed his eyes. Loki smiled at the thought that he would be shortly leaving this place. They couldn't hope to hold him.

* * *

_Several Hours Later..._

Bruce glanced at the clock on the wall of Tony's workshop. According to it, the time was nearly two o'clock in the morning. He sighed, pulling off his glasses and rubbing his tired eyes. He considered trying to get some sleep, but decided it would be pointless. There was no way he'd be able to sleep with the biggest bad guy the team had yet to face only two doors down the hall. He put his glasses back on, and got back to work.

None of the team was having a very restful night, for that matter. The ones that were actually in a bed actively trying to sleep were fitfully tossing and turning, their minds not being able to shut down with thoughts of the god of mischief in the same house as them. So they tossed, and they turned, and they waited for the morning to some.

Loki was having his own troubles at this point in the night. Somebody had locked the door when he had been meditating, so that just made this getaway a little more complicated. He was sure that this "JARVIS", or what ever Stark had called it, was still somehow watching him, though he had very little of an idea as to how that worked. Taking a deep breath, Loki placed his hand on the door knob, closed his eyes, and concentrated. He felt for the familiar tingle or the magic flowing through his body, but there was nothing. He tried harder, but still the magic was absent. He opened his eyes, removed his hand from the door and sighed. He'd expected as much. There was no way Odin would've stayed out of it, for the king of Asgard was the only being that could've done this.

Loki examined the lock itself. It appeared to be one of those silly high-technological things that Stark seemed so fond of. Not something you could pick, and not something you could break with six sleeping Avengers around you. Sighing, Loki turned back towards the center of the room, holding his head in one hand. It seemed that there was nothing more he could do for the night. He needed a new plan.


	4. Chapter 4: Breakfast Time!

**A/N: This chapter is inspired in part by the story "Just Hulking Out" by footshooter. I couldn't resist. **

**Disclaimer: I've forgotten to do these… anyway, I don't own the Avengers. If I did, I would be much richer and happier than I am. Oh, well.**

* * *

Chapter 4:

Mornings in the Avengers Tower were usually quite different than mornings in the average household. On the typical day, Steve was the first denizen to reach consciousness; waking early was a leftover habit from his days in the army. Next to rise was Bruce, who more often than not was stumbling out of the labs downstairs and not his own bedroom, having fallen asleep in the middle of working on his latest project. The two SHIELD agents were next, and while Natasha headed straight to the bathroom for her daily morning shower, Clint made a beeline for the kitchen to get the coffee started. Thor made his appearance not long after, and could usually be found eating his way through a box of Poptarts within half an hour of waking. Last to rise was Tony, bleary-eyed and still mostly asleep and desperately searching for a cup of coffee.

This morning, though, they had an extra guest in the tower, and Loki did his best to throw everybody off. He was in everyone's way: loitering around the kitchen, taking way to long in the bathroom, and he even had the audacity to hide Thor's Poptarts.

Now, Bruce Banner was usually a very calm man (he had to be to handle the other guy), but he was also a creature of habit. Every morning saw him doing the exact same routine. He liked it this way, and was very grumpy if he was disrupted. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on who you asked), Loki did not know this. He found out soon enough.

It all started like this: Loki had, for some reason, thought it would be a good idea to sneak into the bathroom as soon as his door had automatically unlocked itself. He then proceeded to screw with everything. He switched everybody's toothbrushes around (and "accidentally" dropping a few in the toilet), squeezed out all the shampoo until the bottles were empty, sprayed shaving cream all over the mirror, and got rid of all the towels, save for one. He then took an inordinately long shower, and used the last towel to dry himself off, which he proceeded to leave on the middle of the floor.

This was where Bruce came in. He emerged from the lab earlier than usual that morning, and he really wanted a shower. When he got to the bathroom, Loki was had just started, so Bruce sat down on the floor outside the door and waited. Forty-five minutes later, Bruce was getting seriously annoyed. He would've banged on the door and yelled at whoever it was to "HURRY THE HELL UP!", but there was a strong possibility that the person in there was Natasha, and Bruce did not want to die.

When Loki stepped out, he looked down at Bruce and smirked before he walked away. The good doctor just sighed and stood up, stretched and walked into the bathroom, then promptly slipped on the Loki's wet towel and landed flat on his ass.

Bruce was now getting extremely irritated. He closed his eyes and tried to slow his heart rate. He stayed on the floor, just breathing, for a good five minutes or so, until he finally stood up. He turned the water on and got in, only to let out a girlish "eek!" sound and swear when he discovered that the water was as cold as ice. Damn Loki.

But no matter how cold the water was, Bruce really wanted a shower, so he stuck it out. It really wasn't that bad after a few minutes. But there was no soap in the whole bathroom, so Bruce might as well just be outside in the rain. Bruce was starting to feel a little green right now, so he decided to just grab something to eat and go back down to the lab. But first he had to go get some clothes.

That passed without any major incident; the real problems occurred when Bruce was trying to get himself some breakfast.

"Good morning, Bruce," Natasha said when he walked in. He just let out a small grunt in response; he really wasn't in the mood for people. Natasha just looked a little taken aback.

Bruce looked in the cabinet for his favorite cereal (he couldn't help himself, cinnamon toast crunch was delicious), but found that there was none left. He turned around and saw Loki looking straight at him holding a bowl of Bruce's beloved breakfast food and smirking. Bruce turned back around and faced the cupboards, closing his eyes and breathing heavily. Really, this was not his day. He was getting quite angry.

For lack of a better cereal, Bruce chose some bland-as-hell Cheerios for his morning meal instead. He went to the fridge and found that there was no milk.

"Why the hell is there no fraking milk?" Bruce growled. The rest of the Avengers (sans Tony, who wasn't in the room) stared at him; Bruce never swore!

"Whoa, dude, calm down, I think there's some in the back, okay?" Clint said; hands up in a universal 'don't hurt me' gesture.

Bruce took a deep breath and pushed things around until he saw the sad, old, lonely little carton wedged between a block of cheese and some rotten-looking grapes. He made the fatal error of not checking the date on the milk before he used it. Bruce poured it on his cereal, took a bite, and spat it back out again and dropped the bowl and stated looking quite green.

"Friend Bruce! What is your ailment?" Thor boomed out.

Bruce couldn't respond though; he was too busy too busy changing into a giant green rage monster and going after Loki. Within seconds of turning, Loki was in Hulk's death choke with his feet five feet off the ground. Hulk then proceeded to swing Loki around like a lasso over his head, his feet smashing into all the different cupboards and half-ripping them off the walls.

It was to this that a bleary-eyed Tony and an annoyed-looking Pepper walked into.

"Holy—what the—Bruce! In my kitchen! Really?" Tony yelled, suddenly a lot more awake. He pushed a wide-eyed Pepper behind him and back into the hallway and slowly walked towards the Hulk, keeping his hands visible.

"Hulk want cereal. Puny god eat cereal. Hulk smash puny god."

"Completely understandable, my dear Hulk, but really, swinging his around by the throat? Was that necessary?"

"Yes."

"Fair enough. Tell you what: if you put the puny god down and let Bruce back out, I'll have Coulson get us some breakfast, anything you want. How's that sound?"

Hulk seemed to weigh options for a moment, then flung Loki across the room into the stove, then started to shrink back down to the form of Bruce Banner. He was unconscious, and Tony rushed forward and caught him before he hit the ground, and laid him down on the floor. Pepper decided then that it was safe to come back into the kitchen. She looked around and saw the strange scene of four Avengers cowering behind an overturned table, a passed-out Bruce, Loki lying in the crushed remains of the stove, and Tony just calmly standing there as if it were a normal occurrence.

She had a feeling it probably was.

"Oh, hey, Pep! Looks like a certain Norse demigod has learned not to mess with Bruce's morning. Do you want Coulson to get you anything?" Tony said, still grinning like he was having a great time.

Pepper just shook her head and walked away.

* * *

**Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5: Pepper is Angry

**A/N: So sorry I've been gone for so long. I had no idea what to do next for this thing, but I spontaneously figured it out with the help of a friend. Also, as you may have noticed, I changed my pen name since the last time I updated. It used to be s.g.w.97, in case you cared. Really, I think that the writing in this story, the whole thing, sucks. really not my best at all. I have a hard time writing characters that I didn't make up. Good enough, I guess. Whatever. Read away!**

Loki's head hurt. In fact, as he became more aware, more of him hurt. Everything hurt. Ow.

What had happened again?

Oh, right. The great green beast had thrown him around the kitchen and he'd passed out.

Fabulous.

He opened his eyes and found himself face-to-face with Thor.

"BROTHER! You are awake! How do you feel?" Thor boomed out, right in Loki's ears. Damn that oaf.

"Please lower your voice, Thor, my headache is not helped by your boisterous tone," Loki said.

Thor looked a little like a kicked puppy at this, but he took a few steps back and spoke, "My apologies, brother, do you require assistance?"

"I am fine, Thor. Please leave me alone."

"…Very well." Thor walked back to the living room to join the rest of his silly little team.

Loki picked himself up out of the wreckage of the stove and brushed the debris off his clothes. He heard the Avengers in the next room; they seemed to be discussing their plans for the day. He was sure he heard Stark say something about jet fuel and bananas, which really didn't sound like a good combination. Loki rolled his eyes; this whole situation was asinine, and futile, as well; he would discover the override to Stark's silly little security systems and get out of this place filled with fools.

But until then, who said he couldn't have a little fun?

They didn't call him the God of Mischief for nothing.

This was going to be fun.

….

Loki walked into the living room and observed his so-called captors. Stark is sitting with the woman that's named after a spice and talking to Banner about testing a hypothesis on a new particle ray and something about gamma radiation, whatever that meant. Thor was staring wide-eyed like a small child at the flat box on the wall that was displaying some sort of moving picture. _Rather like scrying,_ Loki thought as he watched a carton ogre speaking to a donkey about onions. Rogers seemed just as enthralled as Thor, but he kept poking Barton in the shoulder and asking him about plot points and how the "television", as it was called, operated and why the sound was so very _loud_. Baton ignored him for the most part, instead opting to pay attention to the Russian, who was perched on the arm of the chair he was sitting in. all in all it was a very family-esque scene, and Loki was quite disgusted. They were all even still in their pajamas, for Frigga's sake, it was ridiculous! No matter, this would just make it easier for his plan to succeed.

He stood there for a few moments until Stark's lady noticed him. She poked Stark in the side and whispered something to him, and Stark looked over and saw Loki standing there. He narrowed his eyes, then threw up a fake smile and turned back to the woman.

"Ms. Potts! I do believe it's time that you met our newest house member. Pepper, meet Loki, also known as the God of Mischief, Liesmith, and the guy who trashed my tower and threw me out a window. Loki, Pepper. Don't touch," Stark said and pointed a finger at Loki, who merely rolled his eyes and stepped further into the room.

"Pleasure to meet you, Lady Potts," he said smoothly as he sank into an empty armchair on the edge of the little gathering.

Pepper glared at him and stood. She walked over to where he sat, crossed her arms and glared down at him. "I'm sure you're a very nice man when you're _not _trying to destroy my home world, but if you try _anything_, pull _any_ stunts that endanger the members of this household, you'll find out _exactly_ why I'm the only person Tony's afraid of." She smiled at him like it was nothing, and Loki is actually a little scared. He hid it well though, and he smiled, standing up until he towers over Pepper's short frame, (because she's not wearing her heels right now) but before he could say anything Stark yelled out, "Hey! I'm not afraid of you! Tony Stark fears no man, woman, or child!"

Pepper glanced back over her shoulder and rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. "Oh, sure, honey, that's why you cowered when you found out that I knew about what you did when you were drunk in Japan two months ago?"

Tony visually shrunk at that, and Barton asked, "Oh, that sounds like an awesome story, Pepper, can you tell us?"

Thor and Steve looked up from the television just to look confused at the current conversation. Banner laughed at the expression on Tony's face, who oh-so-intelligently stuck his tongue out at the scientist, which only makes Banner laugh harder.

Pepper goes back to her place on the couch, and settles back next to Tony. Though still a tiny bit shaken, Loki took enjoyment in Stark's unease. He reclaimed his seat on the chair, and the others seemed to forget that he was in the room, and went about their business as usual. So Loki sat, and watched, and listened, and filed the things he saw away for future use. They didn't know that everything they were doing, all their seemingly insignificant movements, those tiny mannerisms that nobody ever noticed; they would all be used against these fools who thought they could hold him.

First on the list: Tony Stark.

**Read and review! Constructive criticism is welcome, and any ideas anybody has for pranks Loki pulls are awesome and will be considered. **


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